VACATIONS CAN BE DIFFICULT

It’s been a while since I wrote a thrilling column on what I did on my vacation, so here it is. My wife and I went on an organized group hiking tour through the South Island of New Zealand, returning last weekend.

That sounds wonderful, except for two minor issues: 1) I hate group tours, and 2) I hate hiking.

Of course, that begs the question as to what I was thinking when I agreed to go. And the question becomes even more perplexing when it is revealed that the whole trip was my idea.

I really wanted to go to New Zealand’s South Island on a biking tour, but the logistics and timing with the tour companies didn’t work. So I settled for hiking. I then persuaded two other couple friends of ours to join us. If I was going to be in a group, I wanted some familiar faces.

We all met at a hotel at exactly 8:30 on the first day of the six-day journey. There were 14 in the group, the six of us and four other couples who I would intimately get to know over six days and then never see again. Kind of a waste.

The tour leaders loaded us into a van and we drove for a couple of hours to our first six-mile hike. It was raining heavily but nothing could stop us. They handed us hiking poles and off we went, trudging uphill through the mud.

“You call this a vacation??!!” I wheezed to the other straggler as we brought up the rear. “I’d rather be working!”

The other hikers, including my wife, were far ahead of me. I’d catch up just as the guide was finishing his explanation of some abstract flora and fauna along the trail. I wasn’t sorry I missed it. And then off they went, leaving me again.

It’s not that I’m out of shape. I just need a ball in front of me to keep me going. The enticement of flora and fauna just doesn’t do it for me. And I like my own, apparently slow, pace. Screw the group.

I realize I’m probably in a minority on this issue. Most people, including my wife, like the group concept. Sharing the experience, meeting like-minded people, details worked out, efficient itinerary---there’s a lot of positives.

As for me, I can sum it up in one example. Fourth day, after our 8:00 breakfast, 9:00 in the van, another two-hour van ride, box lunch, four hour hike and then all together again for our 6:00 group dinner.

“I’M NOT HUNGRY YET!” I cried to my wife when she told me to hurry up and get ready. “And I’m tired of making small talk with people I’ll never see again. I want to go home.”

As usual, sympathy was nowhere to be found. We rushed off to dinner, and I made small talk and ate everything, mainly because it was part of the already paid package. Only two more days, and two more hikes, to go.

Finally, the last day of the tour arrived. We went on a three-hour hike in the rain (there’s a reason New Zealand is so green), had a lovely lunch at a winery and then said an emotional goodbye to our newfound friends who we would never see again.

My wife and I were renting a car and driving for three more days of sightseeing before going home. Just the two of us. Someone asked us what time we were leaving in the morning.

“WHENEVER WE WANT!” I happily replied.

And so we did. We drove six hours from Christchurch to Queenstown, admiring the incredible scenery, stopping when we felt like it, eating when we were hungry, talking when it was necessary. It was delightful.

On our last full day we drove from Queenstown to Milford Sound, loving every minute of the drive. We then took a two-hour boat excursion through the Milford Sound gorge. I declared it the most spectacular scenery I’ve witnessed in my 71 years.

“I’ve learned my lesson,” I said to my wife as we headed for the airport the next morning. “I like winging it. No more group tours for me. One and done.”

She didn’t reply. She apparently likes people more than I do and would eagerly do the group thing again. Fine with me. I can’t wait to hear all about it.

Contact Nick at nickhoppe61@gmail.com. For archived columns, visit www.hoppecolumns.com