Thanks, Nick, about time somebody called out this daft twit. In the Air Force we use lots of acronyms. We refer to this condition as TONR. Transit Only No Receive.
This is a serious condition that makes it extremely difficult to fly in formation or to play a 4 1/2 hour round of golf
I wish I had an answer, or even a cogent observation for you. In fact, I wish I could ask you a question about your column. Would you like to know what I think about your column?
All kidding aside, I think this has always been a problem, but there was a time when parents took enough interest in their children to encourage them to be social, and taught them how. Myself, I had to teach myself how to interact better with other people, to take an interest in them, and not think it was all about me me me me and me.
I’m starting to think that social isolation is built into modern culture. I travel a great deal, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve passed an outdoor restaurant, and would see two or three people all sitting at the same table, not talking to each other, looking at their phones. In fact, we had to introduce a rule into our dinners with friends: no cell phones at the table. One of our former frequent guests would constantly be answering her phone during dinner. It was very annoying.
I don't know what happened. I was typing and some one else's informaiton came up and I lost the script from me. I wanted to say, I learn a lot about people by asking certain questions and by listening to their response. I am Asian and people assume I was not born in the US. I let them do that and respond that my great grandmother was born during the Civil War in San Francisco. That changes their view of me. Then when I go on we find so many similarities. I have doggie walking friends who are mostly blond and much taller than me. If we stood on the street people would assume I am the foreigner. One day while talking with these people I noticed that I looked like the outsider. One friend is German who rode a train out of East Germany and didn't return. She still has a German accent. Another doesn't have an accent and is Swiss. She married an America and they raiseed their family near where I grew up in Palo Alto. She and I talked more and found out we went to the same Jazz house in Half Moon bay at the same time. The other was 4 generation from Palo Alto. She's caucasian. So listening is important and asking the correct question is important. I try not to assume anything when I meet someone. "Don't judge a book by it's cover." Please don't automatically ask someone with a different non causasian look where they were born. That will come up later. I love reading the articles from Nick and I used to read his father's articles too. Thank you for another topic to think about.
Alas, we live in a narcissistic culture which reelected this narcissistic-nihilistic president. The totalitarian technopoly in which we all now swim rewards endless distractions and an orgy-porgy of fun-house entertainments. Feel don't think! In this Brave New World of 2025, reciprocity in conversation as well as in shared ideals of common decency and decorum wither away without questioning minds that dare to embrace the Great Conversation as well as the small pleasantries.
An “It is all about me” bore brags on about his family, work, accolades and life in Coeur D’Alene. Listener finally breaks in with: “Did you know your town is one of the most conservative in the US? And that my town, SF, is one of the most liberal? Introducing a controversial topic, politics, can be a rapid conversational game changer.
Yes, this is very prevalent now, and I think in the post-COVID social networking era, many people have forgotten or have no clue how to interact with each other anymore.
OMG, I experience that phobia (is it a phobia?) regularly here in SunCity! Hilarious! I used to be president of the fishing club and I would always greet a new member (55+)to our community and club with many questions; who what where when how why and so forth, and never got a question back - so I figured here I am again boring and prying. Thank you, so funny 😆
This column gave me chills - my late mother was a complete stickler about this section of manners, always exhorting us to ask questions of others to show interest, and she was a master of subtle interrogation. Brings her right back! The increase in this phenomenon is, sadly, yet another manifestation of the terrible degradation of civility. Thank you, Mr. Hoppe, for bringing it to the fore with your usual balance of humor and incisiveness!
OMG. This is my HUSBAND! And I have asked politely (and not-so-much) if he would please research where in his mind his EMPATHY went. Because it makes me nuts at how totally RUDE and CLASSLESS it is!!
Good one today and the truth of it is what makes it so funny....., I live half the year in a retirement community in Sunlakes AZ and golf over 200 rounds a year, so I can absolutely relate to this article. Seen this a million times...
Its a guy thing. Cant tell you how many first dates, back when I was single, that started and ended that way. Me,me,me,me,I,I,I. Finally married a man who does that, but also has many other wonderful traits. You might just be that magical Unicorn, A man who asks questions. Your wife is a lucky woman.
I am actually pleasantly surprised when someone asks questions about me. It is rare. People are in their heads all the time. Asking questions and finding out about them is more interesting to me. When someone actually has the same interests as me and is interested in exchanging knowledge and ideas, that lights up my day.
What made you think of doing this piece? Do you find that younger generations ask fewer questions? Do you think that political correctness has incubated or amplified this 'Not asking' habit? Cell phones? Boxers or briefs? Have you ever had a homosexual experience? What's your Social Security number? Name of a childhood pet? Mother's maiden name? Is it possible to ask too many questions? Am I being facetious? Why are you making that face?
Ah so true and thank you for posting such a simple explanation of one of the most common problems with our society. I’m drawn to people who show interest in me…it’s a pretty basic concept…like listening twice as much as you talk…
You have such a pleasant way of expressing yourself…I feel like we could hang for hours
Thanks, Nick, about time somebody called out this daft twit. In the Air Force we use lots of acronyms. We refer to this condition as TONR. Transit Only No Receive.
This is a serious condition that makes it extremely difficult to fly in formation or to play a 4 1/2 hour round of golf
I wish I had an answer, or even a cogent observation for you. In fact, I wish I could ask you a question about your column. Would you like to know what I think about your column?
All kidding aside, I think this has always been a problem, but there was a time when parents took enough interest in their children to encourage them to be social, and taught them how. Myself, I had to teach myself how to interact better with other people, to take an interest in them, and not think it was all about me me me me and me.
I’m starting to think that social isolation is built into modern culture. I travel a great deal, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve passed an outdoor restaurant, and would see two or three people all sitting at the same table, not talking to each other, looking at their phones. In fact, we had to introduce a rule into our dinners with friends: no cell phones at the table. One of our former frequent guests would constantly be answering her phone during dinner. It was very annoying.
20% figure is too low. Unfortunately I think idontgiveashitphobia is spreading.
I don't know what happened. I was typing and some one else's informaiton came up and I lost the script from me. I wanted to say, I learn a lot about people by asking certain questions and by listening to their response. I am Asian and people assume I was not born in the US. I let them do that and respond that my great grandmother was born during the Civil War in San Francisco. That changes their view of me. Then when I go on we find so many similarities. I have doggie walking friends who are mostly blond and much taller than me. If we stood on the street people would assume I am the foreigner. One day while talking with these people I noticed that I looked like the outsider. One friend is German who rode a train out of East Germany and didn't return. She still has a German accent. Another doesn't have an accent and is Swiss. She married an America and they raiseed their family near where I grew up in Palo Alto. She and I talked more and found out we went to the same Jazz house in Half Moon bay at the same time. The other was 4 generation from Palo Alto. She's caucasian. So listening is important and asking the correct question is important. I try not to assume anything when I meet someone. "Don't judge a book by it's cover." Please don't automatically ask someone with a different non causasian look where they were born. That will come up later. I love reading the articles from Nick and I used to read his father's articles too. Thank you for another topic to think about.
Alas, we live in a narcissistic culture which reelected this narcissistic-nihilistic president. The totalitarian technopoly in which we all now swim rewards endless distractions and an orgy-porgy of fun-house entertainments. Feel don't think! In this Brave New World of 2025, reciprocity in conversation as well as in shared ideals of common decency and decorum wither away without questioning minds that dare to embrace the Great Conversation as well as the small pleasantries.
Very good
Love it Nick. Always a joy to read your column.
I’d love to see you write a column about “good” questions. My favorite one to use with little kids is
“Are you married?” I asked a 5 year old recently if she is married.
An “It is all about me” bore brags on about his family, work, accolades and life in Coeur D’Alene. Listener finally breaks in with: “Did you know your town is one of the most conservative in the US? And that my town, SF, is one of the most liberal? Introducing a controversial topic, politics, can be a rapid conversational game changer.
KPK
Yes, this is very prevalent now, and I think in the post-COVID social networking era, many people have forgotten or have no clue how to interact with each other anymore.
OMG, I experience that phobia (is it a phobia?) regularly here in SunCity! Hilarious! I used to be president of the fishing club and I would always greet a new member (55+)to our community and club with many questions; who what where when how why and so forth, and never got a question back - so I figured here I am again boring and prying. Thank you, so funny 😆
This column gave me chills - my late mother was a complete stickler about this section of manners, always exhorting us to ask questions of others to show interest, and she was a master of subtle interrogation. Brings her right back! The increase in this phenomenon is, sadly, yet another manifestation of the terrible degradation of civility. Thank you, Mr. Hoppe, for bringing it to the fore with your usual balance of humor and incisiveness!
OMG. This is my HUSBAND! And I have asked politely (and not-so-much) if he would please research where in his mind his EMPATHY went. Because it makes me nuts at how totally RUDE and CLASSLESS it is!!
Good one today and the truth of it is what makes it so funny....., I live half the year in a retirement community in Sunlakes AZ and golf over 200 rounds a year, so I can absolutely relate to this article. Seen this a million times...
Its a guy thing. Cant tell you how many first dates, back when I was single, that started and ended that way. Me,me,me,me,I,I,I. Finally married a man who does that, but also has many other wonderful traits. You might just be that magical Unicorn, A man who asks questions. Your wife is a lucky woman.
I am actually pleasantly surprised when someone asks questions about me. It is rare. People are in their heads all the time. Asking questions and finding out about them is more interesting to me. When someone actually has the same interests as me and is interested in exchanging knowledge and ideas, that lights up my day.
What made you think of doing this piece? Do you find that younger generations ask fewer questions? Do you think that political correctness has incubated or amplified this 'Not asking' habit? Cell phones? Boxers or briefs? Have you ever had a homosexual experience? What's your Social Security number? Name of a childhood pet? Mother's maiden name? Is it possible to ask too many questions? Am I being facetious? Why are you making that face?
Ah so true and thank you for posting such a simple explanation of one of the most common problems with our society. I’m drawn to people who show interest in me…it’s a pretty basic concept…like listening twice as much as you talk…
You have such a pleasant way of expressing yourself…I feel like we could hang for hours