I'D LIKE TO COMPLIMENT YOUR COMPLIMENTS

Some readers might remember that a few months ago I wrote a column detailing how a marriage could flourish if each partner said "I love you" to each other at least once a day.

The less romantic readers wanted to puke, but others thought it to be a wonderful idea, and I'm certain many marriages were saved by my example and the detailed "Rules of Engagement" (no 'love ya,' 30-minute waiting period for reciprocity, etc.).

I assumed my marriage counseling business would boom, but it has been surprisingly quiet. So it's very clear that I need to add another component to my recipe for marital bliss. Naturally, once again I selected my wife for the next experiment.

"You want me to give you a compliment every day?" she cried after I explained my latest theory. "I already tell you 'I love you' once a day. Isn't that enough?"

"Nope," I replied, looking at my notes. "I looked it up. 'Giving genuine and specific compliments in a marriage strengthens emotional intimacy, builds trust and fosters appreciation.' Considering you haven't given me a compliment in 12 years, we've got some work to do."

"I think you're exaggerating a bit," she said. "I told you just the other day that you're not as bad a dresser as you used to be."

I ignored her and continued reading. "Compliments are more than just kind words---compliments tell your partner, 'I notice you,' and that simple act can build a sense of closeness."

I put down my notes and looked her up and down. "Your hair looks especially lovely today," I exclaimed.

"My hair is a mess. I'm going to the hairdresser later today. Nice timing."

"It's the thought that counts. What have you got for me?"

There was a long silence, which was a bit uncomfortable. Finally, she responded. "Can you write down a list of compliments I can use?"

"That kind of defeats the purpose," I said, a bit dejectedly. "But the internet does have plenty of examples. I'll give you a few to get you started."

I pulled out my notes again and read a few:

"I'm in awe of how you handle tough situations. You have this inner strength that really shines when things get hard."

"I love how kind you are to everyone around you. It's such a rare and beautiful quality."

"You have this calming energy about you that makes everything feel a little lighter when you're around."

And my personal favorite: "Being with you has really taught me how to communicate better. I've learned so much from the way you approach things."

My wife had a very uncomplimentary look on her face. "You've got to be kidding. The chances of me saying something like that are zero. I'm not a soap opera actress."

I was expecting as much. She happened to be in the kitchen preparing her breakfast. While we were talking she handed me a new jar of peanut butter that she couldn't open. With a mighty effort I got the top to twist off.

"Thanks," she said, as she always does, turning away.

"Ahem," I coughed, signaling an incredible opportunity and learning moment had just arisen.

She turned back and the realization that she could make me feel truly seen and appreciated swept across her face. She grabbed me by the shoulders, looked me in the eye and said the words that would foster a deep emotional connection between us:

"You're sooooooo strong!"

Bingo! We were on our way to marital bliss. I repeated the Rules of Engagement that worked so well with the "I love you" campaign, adding that compliments need not be given every day when one of us is out of town. Seemed only fair.

I then explained that compliments can be about appearance, actions, character traits or things you admire about your partner. She began thinking hard. Maybe a little too hard.

It's been only a week now, but the experiment is thriving. One-a-day compliments are flowing. Genuineness and authenticity is a bit of a problem sometimes, but we're working on that.

And this time my marriage counseling business is bound to take off.

Contact Nick at nickhoppe61@gmail.com. For archived issues, visit www.hoppecolumns.com