I walked into the kitchen the other morning and saw my wife eating the same old yogurt-fruit concoction that she eats every morning.
"Life is passing you by," I casually mentioned as I slapped a big, fat burger on the grill.
"And why is that?" she answered. "And may I ask why you're cooking a burger for breakfast?"
"Because I've never had a hamburger for breakfast," I replied as I pulled a bun out of the fridge. "I'm trying to slow down the passage of time."
As usual, she was bewildered. So I explained that I've been researching why time is flying by these days. Things needed to slow down. When you're in the seventh or eighth inning, you want a long inning.
I found two reasons. One is fairly obvious. As you get older, every year becomes a shorter version. Turning 11 is only 1/10th of your life. Turning 71 is 1/70th. Naturally, things move a little faster. Nothing you can do about that.
The second reason, though, is why I had a hamburger for breakfast. The longer you live, you have less new experiences. As a result, we absorb less information, which means that time passes more quickly.
"You're eating the same thing you always eat," I explained as she clearly didn't understand. "It's routine and predictable and mindless. Time will fly by. On the contrary, my hamburger is a new experience that I will think about and savor. That takes time."
She wasn't convinced. "I like my breakfast. Leave me alone."
Not me. I was going to eat my hamburger and then take a slightly different route when driving to my office. Routine was the nemesis of time. I was going to add more and more experiences to my aging brain and slow the passage of time.
Abraham Lincoln said, "The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time." It didn't work all that well for him, but I planned on making it work.
I'll look forward to pleasurable events, but I will never use the term, "I can't wait." I'm very happy to wait. It will surely come, and I'm no longer in a hurry like I used to be.
Even the bad times, and everyone has bad times, can slow down. I always think about a 2006 movie few people saw. It was called "Click," with Adam Sandler. He had a remote control where he could click through the boring and negative periods of his life. He loved doing it until he realized he was suddenly old and feeble. He had missed out. Good lesson.
The most precious resource we have is time. Most of us take time for granted. But as I get older, I've decided to try and slow it to a crawl. That's why I was having a hamburger for breakfast.
"We need newness in our lives," I said as I flipped my burger on the stove. "New places, new hobbies, new people."
That got my wife fired up. "You always say you don't want to travel anymore and you don't want any new friends. You hate newness."
She had a point. But since the last year flew by with hardly a notice, I was changing my tune. I was intent on showering myself with new experiences, and I told her so.
"I'll believe it when I see it," she said. "Having a hamburger for breakfast isn't much of an adventure."
"It's a start," I replied. "And I'm going to look into that trip to the Galapagos Islands and I'm driving a different way to work and.... I'm going to get a girlfriend."
I knew she wasn't listening anymore--that's why I threw in the girlfriend. But I was determined to change my routine and create new and vivid memories. Hopefully, time and I were in for a long battle.
My brain may be stuffed with experiences and memories, but there's always room for a little more. I'm going to try and enjoy every moment, every hour, every day. And if it's not enjoyable, that's okay, too.
Time doesn't care.
Contact Nick at nickhoppe61@gmail.com. For archived issues, visit www.hoppecolumns.com
Having a young boyfriend or girlfriend is always a good idea. I turned 80 this year and am looking for a man in his early 20s, someone who’s good at carrying stuff and who can make my breakfast. It would be nice if he can drive, as my eyesight isn’t so good at night. It would also be nice if he’s not a Republican. Race doesn’t matter, nor does weight or height. It would be nice, though, if he has money, in case our president cuts my social security. Also, hair matters. I’d like a man with hair.
I was a 25 year old Ford rep. Called on a wealthy car dealer on his 65th birthday. I wished him happy birthday. To me he was on old man. He then said to me, “I would give you everything I have for what you have”. I said “huh?” He responded, “you have time. I can’t buy time”. At 78 I still remember that.